The Road Forward

My hiatus from work has been nothing but amazing. I feel so grateful for the opportunity to take a break, rest, and heal.

One of the most beautiful places I’ve ever been. True majesty.

Each passing day brings insights and a mental tranquility that I’ve not experienced before—ever! This is the most ME I’ve ever felt as an adult. I do what I want each day, listen to my body, and see where the day will take me. It’s a gift and, again, I feel lucky to be doing this. But at the same time, it feels right. So, I’m not just relishing it, I’m confident in what I’m doing. I feel no guilt or shame. Only peace.

In my time away from the chaos of the entertainment industry, I’ve been enjoying down-to-earth activities. I’ve been immersing myself in the Arts, such as music, film, books, dance, and more. There are few things more nourishing to my well-being than the Arts. They’re like magic to my brain! I soak it up and feel the spectrum of emotions. Oh the joy! I also let my daily interests take me where they will. For instance, I’ve been cooking a lot. So fun to create on my feet and feel the satisfaction that comes from feeding family and friends. And solo hikes in the middle of a weekday. And eating well. And spending time with friends. And resting. And stretching! And more!

Through it all, I process and think. I’m not ignoring the hardships, just giving myself the time and patience. It’s a strange time and I feel alive.

So, I’m journeying forward, open to new opportunities. I don’t know where the winds will take me. I just want to feel the wholesome satisfaction that comes from helping others, contributing my creativity to something meaningful, and helping make the world a little better.

That’s all I ever wanted or ever will.

Bai

Forged by the Darkness

Life is an endless wheel of darkness and light. It’s always turning.

When the wheel of life turns to darkness and despair, I feel it in my bones. Sometimes I can’t even imagine how I’m going to get through it. Have you ever felt so sad that you couldn’t stay standing? You just had to sit down or collapse to the floor in anguish?

I have.

But the more I’ve pondered the pendulum swings of life, the more I’ve come to appreciate both sides of it. Yes, even the darkness that feels so deep. There are some who have felt loss like I can’t imagine. And I hope I never have to feel the devastation that so many of our brothers and sisters feel every day. I am grateful my life remains pretty whole.

Still, sadness is no stranger to me. It’s hard to feel, but there’s something healing about it. And so, in a way, I am grateful for it. I am especially grateful for the growth it gives way to. Before we can see a great distance across the land, we must first climb a perilous trek through the mountains.

That said, the road is never what we imagine. This is because the frightful mountain climb changes us. We see the land through new eyes. We will never be as we were before. In that way, we burn our old selves and rise again from the ashes. It’s the endless cycle. The hero’s journey. It’s the story we’ve heard and experienced a thousand times over. It’s nothing new.

But I am saying the journey through the darkness is required if you want to be born again. We cannot change if we do not struggle and feel our way through. And it’s not enough to know that we can rise again on the other side. No. We have to believe in our hearts that we are done for and that all is lost. We have to feel the fear thunder through us.

Only then can we lift ourselves over the ridge. Having triumphed over our inner demon, we rise with the gift we earned that will guide us forward. We must be changed by the deep to become whole.

Easier said than done. But such is life.